Hell...

I'm in Hell and there are Headsets in it!!!!!

Making money with phone services

So here is some of my thoughts on the idea of making/mixing phone calls. You know when you call a support number they help you fix you computer problem plus help you get your rocks off depending on your fetish.

Example:

Press 1 if you would like to be verbaly abused...
Press 2 to have your computer connection fixed by a blonde goddess (when if fact it is a red heading fag answering the phone....LOL)

You get the idea...

Think about it. When you call in and you don't have a connection. Instead of getting the borring answer of "please turn off your computer and remove power from your router and cable modem". You would hear something like, "turn off your computer you dirty boy, and so that i can get really hot remove the power from the router and cable modem. Do it bitch. Make it nice for daddy..." I could talk like that all night, it would rock. Not only would the agents on the phone have fun but think of the customers...that is customer service right there...

And if the company was smart they could sell this as an extra service for like an extra $5 bucks a month, like everything else is in the world. "only $5 more dollars a month and you too can have shitty service"

I will have to give this more thought and some more examples because i think that i can redesign the call center world.

There are sick fucks in the world that would love this shit. I know a few that would call just to call. And even if you aren't into this shit think how much fun it would be to call this anyway and make that long hold time worth while. I'd love it. I'm getting to many ideas at once about this...

Head-Set Hair

So now i remember why i hate the phones. You see when you wear a lovely headset you get a line in your hair from the bar thingy that holds it on your fat head. At least my fat head.

Well i spend hours, that is no lie sometimes, to get my hair to do something and then i come here and have it all mushed down from the damn headset.

Don't people know that i'm trying to be fasionable again and this does not help my style when i have a cool hair do going but have a line in the middle of my head. At least with hat head you have a reason and it is destictive. This looks like your head has collapsed and you are ready to start convolsing any minute now...

I hate headsets, they should either be made like the nice ones that just sit on the ear or wrap around from the back. But that is too expensive for a little company such as mine. I think that i should send a email to my congressman about making a law that all phone represenatives have to have a choice in their headsets.

Steven Hawkins...

So i have to give credit to these people that have that 'talk box' thing like steven hawkins. I got to listen to a call today where the customer had one of those. the agent needs to be very proud of themselves because she was very professional and made sure that the customer was working and never felt like there was a problem with his speach.

I just wanted to say i think that those kind of people that work like that, both for the company and deal with that in their life all the time, deserve to be loved by one and all for telling life to go fuck itself and to life a life and not just fuck off.

Ok i'm sorry for the sappy moment but i think that stuff like that needs to be talked. Expecially when most of the crap that i sat by and listened too makes me wonder how the hell these people are getting 100%'s on their QA's...and then i remember what made me go crazy in the department and that was all the fucking stupidity in the company. Who cares what the customer has, thinks, or does just as long as they pay and the call center stats are at what the VP wants them to be even if that means that you have to lie or bend every rule to make it happen.

Killer...

Customer, Killer -- status -- retard...

So Killer calls in and the internet is down. and this time it is worse then it has ever been. What the fuck does that mean? If you can't connect you can't connect. What this time her punaner was caught in the mix...seriously where do people come up with this shit. Then she was upset because she only has the one phone line and can't find the other and if she got disconnected...some more crazy talk...And me being a loud mouth person anyway am still sidejacking and my voice can be heard on the call if I talk. Well I yell out HUH?
Then she continues to explain that she has gold lights on the modem. I wish i had one of those modems sounds like a fun time. It would make me feel like i was at a club or was important since Gold is a wonderful color. Then i put down the headset and run down the isle away from the crazy. So i come back with a little composor and witness the call being transfered to an upper level tech. Well a tech next to us gets the call and Killer must have found the second phone line because she got disconnected. Not 10 min later we get Killer back. I couldn't handle it...i have to unplugg myself from the phone and run, not walk, away from Killer and this sick mental illness that she must have...

I love Killer! Killer you have made my night and i want to thank you.

The life and times of the modern customer...

I"m glad that customers haven't changed since i was last on the phone. Because if they had then this would be very boring. They are so much fun, if you look for it.

My favorite customer tonight was Wet Wang, at least that is what we called him and i will call him so i don't get in trouble for talking about a real customer. He wasn't that funny but his name was wonderful. All i could think of was my saying, "get your dick out of your ear", but using him, "get your wet wang out of your ear.

The rest of the customers are all the same you have to ones that are way to important to waist time calling and we should make sure that nothing ever happens to their computer. The impatient custs that want it done if 5 sec, the bitch, the bastard, and of course the retard. I always love when the customer says, "i don't understand computers that well". All i can think of i wish that i had thousands of dollars and over $50 a month just to blow on something that i know nothing about and can't use...cut and paste...how are is that fucking concept. Some of these customers should have a computers test and if they fail they should have to donate all the money that they would spend on computer equipment and service to someone or something. I don't care where the money goes at this point just that they can't have it, the dumb bastards.

Then as i sit and listen to more calls. I love to hear the people hit on agents they are talking to. You know it is kind of like all companys that offer tech support should have a feature that the customer can give a credit card number and make it a sex chat that fixes your computer all at the same time. HMMM...phone sex/tech support...I think that there is a market for that...I think that i will have to think about this more and get this idea rolling...could be worth millions...

I wish i could think like this...

So a quick side note.

All night i have heard everyone talking about how great it will be to work for the new company. I just want to slap them up side the head! Come on think about it.

1.) Will the new company keep us? Unlikely. We all will be handed a slip of paper that tells us to fuck off and never come back. At least that is what i feel, and sometime secretly hope.

2.) Even if they did keep us then the same stupid mother-fuckers that we are bitching about will still be there and nothing will really change except the name on that paycheck that i get from time to time.

The End of a day

Well i made it to the end of my first shift. It was nice i didn't have to take a call yet so the real fun hasn't started. But i'm having fun reading each line word for word in this training manual. It is so exciting of a read. It has kept me on the edge of my seat all night.

So i spent about an hour and a half trying to get the printer to work. And guess what i'm still without a printer because this network setup they have here is retarded. I can easily print in bumb-fucked egypt but not to a printer 20 feet away...LOL

I got a travel reimbursment check that is about 10 months old...what speed this company has...

I"m still waiting on username and passwords for 90% of the systems that i have to use. My sup said that it may take a while but i should do fine without them...yeah i just can't log into a phone but that is ok i don't want to take a call anyway...plus then they can track every move i make once they have the leash back on me. You can't even pick your nose without the phone tracking it...aux 9...LOL yeah i know it doesn't exist but from the last time i was on the phones the tracking system doesn't count it as anytime that they track...LOL That will be a test i will have to try at a later time.

Oh i forgot to tell you that the few usernames and passwords that i got from my sup was on a napkin...LOL...that is no lie! The nice smugged lettering from the good old sup. I have been sneezing so maybe he thought that i could reuse it and blow my nose. We are a company trying to save as much money as possible. We can't afford to make our systems work so we have to be creative. I should write a memo on toilet paper and show how good i can be at making this company a rich and lovely company...so that the people that are buying us out will have to pay a few more pennies for us...LOL

Well i have to get my napkin (such high security) and pack up my training manual so that i can go home and restup for my next big adventure...

A little BackGround Information

So i worked for this company for almost 4 years now, just short a few months from now. I began working on the phones, what we call answering technical calls for high speed internet connections. After a year and a half of answering the phones i got a postion in quality assurance. That job was sometimes nice but then it was one of those jobs that the headacks and why you were doing the job never actually came clear. but then i became supervisor for the department. Yeah didn't know why i was there but i was now running the joint. LOL

Well supervisor life sucked because i was doing my director boss work and was overworked with departments, travel, and the bullshit of any major telecommunications company. So like any little person that is burned out and was only doing the original job duties assigned to me, I was "let go" the nice way of saying it. It really ment, "get the fuck out you fucker, you suck big time" , or at least that is what i thought it ment. But to cut this part of the story short i had what i consider a nervous breakdown and entered a deep depression. Which now, 6 months later, i have started to regain my life and have slowly wandered back to the company that gave me all my "issues". Well they paid for my recovery i should give something back to my fans...

So the company hasn't made any of this easy. Not that they should make it so easy that i don't have to worry but they put me on overnights, with only 2 people that can help me if needed. I have a supervisor that has only been a sup for a few months, and while all the other sups are talking to me he doesn't understand that i'm not some new kid that just lucked into a job. I was handed a training book and was told to read this and i should be fine...LOL...and to listen in to calls so that i can be a great tech again.

My first thougths a great tech, why would i want to do that? I am forced here with no ability to move anywhere in the company. Not because of the demotion but because the company probably won't be here not so far in the future. But i have to wait 6 months before i can even think of trying for a different job, so i guess that just makes it imposible to get a job since the company is bought out and won't exist in 6 months.

So after looking at this lovely training booklet, that i helped review and gave input for, just makes me laugh. Because instead of "studying" like a college kid cramming for a final. I'm online writting a blog to make my life have a meaning. And to be honest i am feeling really good about this and it is relaxing me, or wait is that the ativan that i just took...LOL

First Day Back

So I am back to work after a few months off because of some issues I was having. Boy i can't even use the word problem anymore because this company has conditioned me to use the work issue in place. How things change in life...funny isn't it.
Well i decided to create this blog to explain my life as a tech support specialists, or engineer depending on who you ask.

In this mixing of words I will explain more about what has happened in the past here at my company to me and some of the things that I don't understand. I say some because i would have a novel and a half if i went into everything that i know about...

I also want to put out that i will try as best as i can to make sure that i change names for reference of people and the company so that i may not get introuble for any of my comments. Since like most places they just love to get you introuble for stupid shit...you all know what i'm talking about.

OK, enjoy!

by the way...if you don't like my spelling or grammer or sentence structure well, suck it, because i will be writting this little blog in between calls and sometimes during a call...so not much will be put toward double checking a post before the supervisor looks over my shoulder and sees what i'm doing...